I guess I’m getting so used to being sad lately.

I still laugh when something’s funny. I am still good at being friends with people. But once I’m on my own at home, I feel like everything is just stupid. And then I’ d get tired of smiling, that even the idea of having to twitch the corners of my mouth drains all of my energy.

Some say I’m so stubborn coz I don’t like talking about this with anyone. I really want to, you know. To talk for hours about how I imagine my life crumbling down. But I can’t find anyone to talk to. I’m friends with a lot of people but I’m so scared to share my deepest sadness and worries coz I’m afraid they won’t understand me. I’m scared they’d realize how crazy my mind can go whenever I’m alone.

I feel like crying.