I know that there’s something wrong with me when I can’t bear going to church.
Okay, let me get something straight: I don’t hate God or anything like that. And I’m definitely not into being a character on the next top-grossing exorcism film. It’s just that the “politics of church” is getting into my skin — and I figured out that the more I force myself to go to church, the more I start to feel away from God.
You see, I’m not saying this because I want you to think I’m an anti-God twat. I am not. I love God. Aside from being a part of the choir for almost a decade, I even held a lot of church office positions until last year. I just woke up one Sunday, went to church like I used to do, and realized there’s something missing. Something’s wrong. I have been going to the same locale since the day I realized I’m a human, and honestly way longer than that. I believe I have been going to that small church longer than I have actually lived because my whole tribe is a solid believer of this religion. And I really don’t have a problem with that. I love everything this religion had taught me. I breathe and live its doctrines. But somehow, amidst everything that happened last year, I started to slip away. One skipped worship service turned into two and so on, until I felt like attending the service started to get in my way. I hate the thought really. I’m really sorry now that I thought about it.
Again, let me stress out that I love God. The thing is, the people I see at church made me come up with the “politics of church” theory. I guess there are really times when people feel acting like they’re so good and nice that they start on trampling over others’ lives, finding ways to mock and belittle others by showing them how perfect they were. I will not go into details, but I swear there are people like that now and I can prove it if I needed to.
When I was a tod, I know everyone at church. But then when I get to my teen years, those people I know started transferring to other places. Then new faces started to grace the scene. And I just hate the fact that they make me feel like I were the new person here. Like, wow.
So there. Today’s a Sunday and I know there’s a service. I’m sorry — I really am.