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I honestly respect and adore those people who have developed the habit of keeping a diary/journal for their feelings and thoughts and reflections in life — because I have always failed in doing such. Aside from the fact that I’m apparently an at-the-moment kind of doer, I believe I have very valid reasons for avoiding diaries.

You see, when I was in high school, journals were so popular as a requirement for quite a number of subjects. As far as I can remember, there was this one academic year when we were to have two journals; one for an English class and a separate one for our Values Ed class. Seriously, what did they expect us, or should I say “me”, to write? I really don’t understand the concept of writing my secrets and thoughts on a notebook that I would have to eventually turn in to my teachers at the end of the period. No offense intended, but journals and diaries should NEVER be a requirement for any class because doing so destroys the sanctity (yes, I used that word) of one’s privacy. And in case you might want to know, I just wrote stuff like “I had a great day yada yada yada” “I helped out at home blah blah blah” and basically all the goodie goodie actions I could think of, lest I want to get a failing mark on my Values Ed class. Also, I don’t really understand why teachers have to check journals. Do they do it so they can check on the students’ mental and psychological stability? Not that I intended to lie at some entries, but I simply don’t want the world to know the way I see things as they are — one, because I want my confidentiality, and two, because I tried a couple of times to be honest with what I write before and all I got was a not-so-good feedback from others. So yes, after four years of faking a lot of entries on should-have-been-very-personal journals, I managed to stick to the idea that I can never write on a journal without lying on how I really feel. Yes, until now I still buy a journal in hopes that one day I can finally make myself guilty over buying a notebook for nothing. But honestly, tricking one’s self on things like this gets harder as one ages. So again, yes, you can all start putting me on a guilt trip now for the very saddening ratio of our trees — I feel slightly obliged to take some blame. 😉

But for the record, I was able to keep a real diary a long time back, and after a week of honest writing (crushes, hates, people to kill), I thought I was on the right track. Until of course, someone stole it, and God-knows how that person sees me now. Never keeping a journal again. Never.

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